The Edmondson Blog

Angela Gheorghiu Sings O Mio Babbino Caro

Thist is sung by a daughter wheedling consent from her doting father:

O mio babbino caro,
Mi piace, e bello bello,
Vo andare in Porta Rossa
A comperar I anello!
Si,si ci voglio andare
E se I amassi indarno
Andrei sui Ponte Vecchio
Ma per buttaarmi in Arno!
Mi struggo e mi tormento!
O Dio, vorrei morir!
Babbo, pieta, pieta!
Babbo, pieta, pieta!


Oh my dear daddy
I love him, he is so handsome
I want to go to Porta Rossa
To buy the ring!
Yes, yes, I mean it
And if my love were in vain
I would go to Ponte Vecchio
And throw myself in the Arno!
I fret and suffer torments!
Oh God, I would rather die!
Daddy, have pity, have pity!
Daddy, have pity, have pity!

Big Steamers

by Rudyard Kipling
Written during the Great War.

"Oh, where are you going to, all you Big Steamers,
With England's own coal, up and down the salt seas?"
"We are going to fetch you your bread and your butter,
Your beef, pork, and mutton, eggs, apples, and cheese."

"And where will you fetch it from, all you Big Steamers,
And where shall I write you when you are away?"
"We fetch it from Melbourne, Quebec, and Vancouver
Address us at Hobart, Hong Kong, and Bombay."

"But if anything happened to all you Big Steamers,
And suppose you were wrecked up and down the salt sea?"
"Then you'd have no coffee or bacon for breakfast,
And you'd have no muffins or toast for your tea."

"Then I'll pray for fine weather for all you Big Steamers,
For little blue billows and breezes so soft."
"Oh, billows and breezes don't bother Big Steamers,
For we're iron below and steel rigging aloft."

"Then I'll build a new lighthouse for all you Big Steamers,
With plenty wise pilots to pilot you through."
"Oh, the Channel's as bright as a ball room already,
And pilots are thicker than pilchards at Looe."

"Then what can I do for you, all you Big Steamers,
Oh, what can I do for your comfort and good?"
"Send out your big warships to watch your big waters,
That no one may stop us from bringing you food."

"For the bread that you eat and the biscuits you nibble,
The sweets that you suck and the joints that you carve,
They are brought to you daily by all us Big Steamers
And if any one hinders our coming you'll starve!"

Cats And Dogs

Not Funny At All

Those of you who know your Editor know that March is a time of much celebration with many family birthdays falling during the month. Here are some age-ist jokes:

If these doesn't apply to you yet, they will one day.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

- - - - - - - - - - -


Your sweetheart says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"


Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes but you're barefoot.


A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.


Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.


You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.


Getting a little action means you don't need to take any fibre today.


Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.


An all nighter means not getting up to use the bathroom.


You are not sure these are jokes?

Signs Of Our Times

'Arry Went To 'Ampstead

Everybody in the Edmo family know about 'Arry:
'Arry went to 'Ampstead,
'Arry lost 'is 'at.
'Arry's mother said to 'Arry
"'Arry, where's your 'at?
If it ain't 'angin' on the 'anger in the 'all
I'll 'it you on the 'ead with an 'ard 'eavy 'ammer
And your 'owls will be 'orrible to 'ear."
We learnt it from Aunty Win (age 94 and still going strong) who learnt it from her future sister-in-law in the 1930s. She (the sister-in-law) was a Cockney, coming from the East End of London and would recite the doggerel with all the dropped letters in her normal voice, her joke being that she would pretend she couldn’t see anything funny in the way she spoke it.

The doggerel appears on the Pop Club web site and, amazingly, a few years ago, a Canadian Professor who was undertaking some research contacted us to learn about the history. His family version goes:
'Arry came from 'Ickman's Arbour*;
'Arry 'ad an 'at.
'Arry said to 'Arry's mother,
"Mudder! Where's me 'at?"
'Arry's mother said to 'Arry,
"Arry eef you look,
Yer 'at's out in de 'all,
'Angin' on an 'ook!"
*Hickmans Harbour is a tiny village on Random Island, Newfoundland, Canada.

Funnies From Royston Robertson

Meanwhile, In Our Local Indian Restaurant ...

View Of The Local Hill Side

In Delicato Flagranto Morto

Felix Faure (1841-99), Sixth President of the French Third Republic

On 16th February, 1899 in the middle of the infamous Dreyfus crisis, Faure slipped away for a rendezvous with his mistress, Madame Steinhal, wife of the artist Adolphe Steinhal. Legend has it that Faure's bodyguards heard a scream and broke down the door to find him seated dead on a sofa with his beautiful mistress kneeling in front of him a la Lewinsky. According to some reports, she was in a state of trauma-induced lockjaw and his member had to he removed surgically. Madame Steinhal was thereafter known as "the kiss of death."

Lord Palmerston, Prime Minister

"Old Pam," Britain's randiest prime minister, died in his eighty-second year, officially from pneumonia after catching a chill while riding in his carriage; it was rumoured, however, that he had in fact died of a heart attack while engaged in a sex act with a young parlor maid on his billiard table.

Cardinal Jean Danielou (1915-74)

The French have a phrase for orgasm - le petite mort (the little death). In 1974, France woke to the news that one of their most respected senior churchmen, a world-leading Catholic theologian, the head of the theological faculty at Paris University and the author of fourteen books on sexual morality and church discipline had experienced le grand mort when he dropped dead on the stairs of a brothel in Clichy, the red-light district of Paris. The French police explained that the seventy-year-old Cardinal was on his way to "comfort" a twenty-four-year-old blond prostitute in an official capacity only.

Nelson Aldrich Rockefeller (1908-79)

A multimillionaire grandson of the oil magnate John D. Rockefeller, the forty-first vice US president (to Gerald Ford) and the governor of New York State, Rockefeller died in the saddle at the age of seventy-one while working on a late Saturday-night project with his twenty-seven-year-old female research assistant. The unlucky researcher was pinned under her hefty boss's naked body for several minutes until she eventually phoned the paramedics. The New York Times noted that the larger-than-life septuagenarian Rockefeller "died the way he'd lived, with an enthusiasm for life in all its public and private passions."

Pope John XII (C. 955-64)

Known as John the Bad, the pope was bludgeoned to death with a hammer by an irate husband who caught His Holiness in bed with his wife. When news of the death reached Rome, it was noted that Pope John was lucky to have died in bed, even if it wasn't his own.

Meanwhile, Down On The Farm ...

Great Moments In Musical History

1968: The chairman of the People's Republic of China, Mao Zedong, bans the popular musical The Sound of Music, describing it as, "A blatant example of capitalist pornography."

1975: During Christmas celebrations, the president of Equatorial Guinea, Macias Nguema, orders his army to shoot 150 political opponents in the Malabo football stadium as loudspeakers played Mary Hopkins' Those Were the Days.

1978: Pop producer Phil Spector, a perfectionist in the recording studio, holds a gun to the head of Leonard Cohen to achieve the precise vocal performance he is looking for on his album Death of a Ladies' Man.

1992: Five prison guards at the Boise, Idaho, Maximum Security Institution are accused of taunting death-row inmates by playing the Neil Young song The Needle and the Damage Done during an execution by lethal injection.

1993: A Christian radio station in Vevay, Indiana, is burgled and set ablaze. Police say their prime suspect is a caller who became irate when a DJ refused to play Don't Take the Girl by Tim McGraw.

1994: The Dudley and District Hospital Radio ban the Frank Sinatra standard My Way from their airwaves because the lines "Now the end is near / And so I face the final curtain" are considered too discouraging for terminally ill patients. Other records suggested for the hospital danger list include Tony Bennett's I Left My Heart in San Francisco (insensitive to coronary patients) and Andy Fairweather-Low's Wide Eyed and Legless (unsuitable for amputees).

1994: A Beatles tribute band loses its "George Harrison" in a tragic accident. The "quiet Beatle," aka twenty-seven-year-old Duncan Bloomfield, falls out of the back of the band's van on the motorway while they travel home from a performance in London. The rest of the band drives for twenty five miles before they realize that he is missing.

1995: In Wanganui, New Zealand, a twenty-one-year-old man claims he has a bomb and takes over the local radio station, STAR FM, demanding to hear the song Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog.

1996: Mourners at a funeral service at All Saints Church, Gravesend, are startled when the church PA system inadvertently relays Rod Stewart's hit Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? including the line "If you want my body."

1996: An academic report called The Effect of Country Music on Suicide by two American sociologists, Steven Stack and Jim Gundlach, proves a link between country music and losing the will to live. The study concludes that wherever country music is played, the suicide rate among whites is higher than average, "independent of divorce, Southernness, poverty, and gun availability."

Return Visit to The Family Album

Meanwhile, Aboard The Flight To Barcelona ...

Why You Shouldn't Have A Tattoo

If you are thinking of having a tattoo, take a very close look at this photo. It wasn't all that long ago these good folks were the height of fashion, but can you imagine having to dress like that for the rest of your life?

The same for a tattoo - the height of fashion at the moment - but for the rest of your life? Hmmm ...

The Ultimate Gift

Just The Right Angle

Useful Phobias To Have To Impress Your Friends

Pteronophobia: Fear of being tickled by feathers.

Consecotaleophobia: Fear of chopsticks.

Dendrophobia: Fear of trees.

Dextrophobia: Fear of objects at the right side of the body.

Eleutherophobia: Fear of freedom.

Epistemophobia: Fear of knowledge.

Ereuthrophobia: Fear of blushing.

Euphobia: Fear of hearing good news.

Eurotophobia: Fear of female genitalia.

Genuphobia: Fear of knees.

Geliophobia: Fear of laughter.

Graphophobia: Fear of writing or handwriting.

Geumaphobia (or Geumophobia): Fear of taste.

Helminthophobia: Fear of being infested with worms.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.

Ithyphallophobia: Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis

Koinoniphobia: Fear of rooms.

Levophobia: Fear of things to the left side of the body.

Linonophobia: Fear of string

Logophobia: Fear of words

Melophobia: Fear of music

Nosocomephobia: Fear of hospitals.

Oneirogmophobia: Fear of wet dreams.

Panophobia (or Pantophobia): Fear of everything

Another Browse Through The Family Album

The Most Fun You Can Have For £1

Difficult Conversations With Your Insurance Company

(It's a Dodge Viper)

© 2007 The Edmondson Blog