The Edmondson Blog

Of course there are more rude ones than clean
ones! That’s the whole point of limericks.

There was a young sailor named Gates,
Who boarded his schooner on skates.
He slipped on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nutless,
And also quite useless on dates!

A gentleman Katy knew slightly
Persisted in e-mailing her nightly
To ask her if she
Would ever be free
To come round and tie him up tightly.

There was a young vampire called Mabel,
Whose periods were remarkably stable.
Every full moon,
She’d pull out a spoon,
And drink herself under the table.

There was a young man named Crocket,
Who built a 30 foot rocket,
The rocket went bang,
His bollocks went twang*,
And his prick ended up in his pocket.

*clang works well as an alternative.

This was a young fellow named Paul,
Couldn’t rely on his arse-hole at all,
When he sat on the loo,
It went slightly askew,
And splattered some poo on the wall.

In an earthquake, the best thing to do
Is to set about having a screw:
When you’re done, you can say
In a nonchalant way,
“May I ask, did the earth move for you?”

There once was a lady called Kay,
I know you’ll be amazed when I say,
That despite her high station,
And good education,
She still spelt cunt with a k.