The Edmondson Blog

Miscellany of all, there is a pianist, plunking out mordant melodies from happy musicals as if waiting for a hearse caught in traffic...
AA Gill.
The sea has formed the English character and the essential England is to be found in those who follow it. From blue waters they have learned mercifulness … and they have also learned – in the grimmest of schools – precision and resolution. The sea endured no makeshifts. If a thing is not exactly right it will be vastly wrong.
John Buchan, quoted from Endure No Makeshifts by Admiral of the Fleet Sir Henry Leach.
For close designs and crooked counsels fit,
Sagacious bold and turbulent of wit,
Restless, unfixed in principles and place,
In power unpleased, impatient of disgrace.
From Absalom and Architophel by John Dryden, 1681.
Youth 1: “Do your parents still have sex?”
Youth 2: “No”
Youth 1: “Might they in the future?
Youth 2: “If parsnips, Marmite.”
Food joke (only considered funny by the Editor).

Malcolm: “I’m opening a theatre.”
Vera, Malcolm’s mum: “Are you having me on?”
Malcolm: “You’ll have to audition along with everybody else.”
Theatre joke (only considered funny by Malcolm, the Editor’s brother-in-law).
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I went to the library and asked the librarian, “Where are the books on paranoia?” She wanted to know why I wanted to know.

I went to the library and asked the librarian, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming “WOO HOO – What a ride!!”

Mr Demetri Marchessini
would respectfully draw the attention of his friends and acquaintances to the fact that the continuous reports of his intimate relationship to a certain titled lady are inaccurate, and that all connection with the lady in question was permanently terminated some time ago.
From The Daily Telegraph, 8th September 2005.
The social changes brought about by war can best be addressed by developing a model which breaks down war into four components:
  • the destructive consequences,
  • the way which war tests institutions,
  • how participation in wartime benefits under-privileged groups, and,
  • the psychological repercussions.
Professor Arthur Marwick.
When the angels sing for God, they sing Bach. When they sing for pleasure they sing Mozart and God eavesdrops.
Karl Barth, finest theologian of 20th century.
Your daddy’s rich,
And your mamma’s good looking.
Sufficient justification for requesting a baby to be quiet and to stop crying (according to George Gershwin).
It’s down to cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women.
Henry Allingham’s well known explanation regarding the key to a long life. At 112 (he was born 6th June 1896), he is Britain’s oldest living man.
In previous life he was a tyrannosaurus, but only the sore arse [saurus] bit survived.

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