The Edmondson Blog

More Doggerel

They rhyme; they scan.
They’re funny, man.


Fuzzy-Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy-Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy-Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, wuz he?


You can't make a silk purse
Out of an old sow's ear,
But an elephant's foreskin
Makes a excellent so’wester.


One green bottle,
Drop it in the bank.
Ten green bottles,
What a lot we drank.
Heaps of bottles
And yesterday’s a blank,
But we’ll save the planet,
Tinkle, tinkle, clank!
Apologies to Wendy Cope for including her fine poem here.

When I’m sad and lonely,
When I think all hope I gone,
As I walk down High Holborn,
I think of you with nothing on.


Caviar comes from the virgin sturgin.
The virgin sturgin. is a very fine fish.
The virgin sturgin. needs no urgin’,
That’s why caviar is a very rare dish.


Oh to go down to the sea again,
The deep blue sea and the sky.
(I left my shoes and socks there –
I wonder if there’re dry.)


The one-L lama, he’s a priest.
The two-L llama, he’s a beast.
And I would bet a silk pyjama
There isn’t any three-L lllama.
Ogden Nash (who else?)

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back-to-back they faced one another,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
One was blind and the other couldn’t see,
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout “Hooray!”
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And rushed to save the two dead boys.
A paralyzed donkey walking by,
Kicked the copper in the eye,
Sent him through a rubber wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
(If you don’t believe this lie is true,
Ask the blind man – he saw it too!)

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