### Mathematical Jokes

Published by Rick on Wednesday, October 28, 2009.
An analyst, a pure mathematician, and a statistician apply for a job. The interviewer asks each of them the question "What is 1/3 multiplied by 3?"

The analyst enters it into his calculator and replies that the answer is 0.9999999.

The pure mathematician replies that the answer is obviously 1.

Then, the statistician asks the interviewer "What do you want it to be?"

- - - - - - - -

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.

"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.

"My head's spinning," the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"

"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n = 13."

- - - - - - - -

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a street cafĂ© watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house.

The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house then it will be empty."

- - - - - - - -

A mathematician, an engineer and a chemist are at a conference. They are staying in adjoining rooms. One evening they are downstairs in the bar. The mathematician goes to bed first. The chemist goes next, followed a minute or two later by the engineer.

The chemist notices that in the corridor outside their rooms a rubbish bin is ablaze. There is a bucket of water nearby. The chemist starts concocting a means of generating carbon dioxide in order to create a makeshift extinguisher but before he can do so the engineer arrives, dumps the water on the fire and puts it out.

The next morning the chemist and engineer tell the mathematician about the fire. She admits she saw it. They ask her why she didn't put it out. She replies contemptuously "there was a fire and a bucket of water: a solution obviously existed."

- - - - - - - -

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first goes up to the bartender and says, "I'll have a pint of lager, please."

The next one says, "and I'll have half of what he's having."

The third says, "and I'll have half of what he's having."

The fourth is about to speak when the bartender says, "You're all idiots," and pulls two pints.

- - - - - - - -

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland.

The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."

"No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black."

The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one sheep, at least one side of which looks black."

The analyst enters it into his calculator and replies that the answer is 0.9999999.

The pure mathematician replies that the answer is obviously 1.

Then, the statistician asks the interviewer "What do you want it to be?"

- - - - - - - -

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.

"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.

"My head's spinning," the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"

"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n = 13."

- - - - - - - -

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a street cafĂ© watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house.

The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house then it will be empty."

- - - - - - - -

A mathematician, an engineer and a chemist are at a conference. They are staying in adjoining rooms. One evening they are downstairs in the bar. The mathematician goes to bed first. The chemist goes next, followed a minute or two later by the engineer.

The chemist notices that in the corridor outside their rooms a rubbish bin is ablaze. There is a bucket of water nearby. The chemist starts concocting a means of generating carbon dioxide in order to create a makeshift extinguisher but before he can do so the engineer arrives, dumps the water on the fire and puts it out.

The next morning the chemist and engineer tell the mathematician about the fire. She admits she saw it. They ask her why she didn't put it out. She replies contemptuously "there was a fire and a bucket of water: a solution obviously existed."

- - - - - - - -

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first goes up to the bartender and says, "I'll have a pint of lager, please."

The next one says, "and I'll have half of what he's having."

The third says, "and I'll have half of what he's having."

The fourth is about to speak when the bartender says, "You're all idiots," and pulls two pints.

- - - - - - - -

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland.

The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."

"No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black."

The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one sheep, at least one side of which looks black."

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