The Edmondson Blog

Magic Moments In Toilet Paper History

1400: The first toilet paper is made for the Emperor of China. It is available in one size 2ft x 3ft sheets.

1509: King Henry VIII appoints a Groom of the Stool, whose sole function is to clean the royal anus by hand. It becomes a highly respected and coveted position.

1725: The French author Francois Rabelais, in his book Gargantua, recommends wiping with nettles, velvet, handkerchiefs, carpets, or, for added comfort, the neck of a goose.

1750: Mussel shells and corncobs are widely used for cleaning purposes. Hawaiian islanders, however, prefer to use coconut husks.

1880: Publishers of The Old Farmer's Almanac improve circulation by punching a hole in the corner of their respected organ so it can be hung on a nail in the outhouse.

1890: The Scott Paper Company manufactures the-first perforated toilet roll, but is reluctant to put its name on its groundbreaking product. It is demurely described in their advertisements as curl papers for hairdressing.

1930: The US mail order company, Sears, enrages its customers when their catalogue, another popular outhouse choice, is produced on glossy, nonabsorbent paper.

1942: Britain's first soft two-ply toilet paper, advertised as splinter-free, is available only from Harrods.

1942: Meanwhile, the country's best-selling novelty toilet paper is single-ply printed with images of Adolf Hitler.

1967: During recording sessions for Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Beatle George Harrison complains to EMI about the studio's hard, scratchy toilet paper. An executive decision is taken at boardroom level to replace it with the softer variety.

1984: A Christian group, the World Reformed Alliance, sends twenty thousand free Bibles to Romania, where dictator Nicolae Ceausescu has promised to distribute them. The Bibles arrive, but Ceausescu confiscates the lot and has them pulped to ease a national toilet paper shortage. The quality of Romanian pulping is so poor, however, that words such as "God" and "Jeremiah" are still clearly visible.

1994: A severe national toilet paper shortage in Cuba leads to the ransacking of a library, where rare books are stolen and torn apart. An official explains that most Cubans have long since used up their telephone books.

1999: Japanese inventors unveil the paperless toilet, a device that washes, rinses, and blow-dries the user's bottom with a heating element.

0 Responses to “Magic Moments In Toilet Paper History”

Post a Comment

© 2007 The Edmondson Blog