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The Otford English Dictionary

Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Already (n.): to blush all over.
Analyse (n.): what you need to look out of your bum.
Approximate (n.): someone who stands in officially for your spouse.
Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
Benign (adj.): what it will be after eight.
Bleach (n.): a hole in the Great Wall of China.
Cacti (n.): extremely unattractive neckwear.
Canapé (n.): Scottish inability to settle one’s debts as they fall due.
Carmelite (n.): half-hearted Buddhist.
Catastrophe (n.): feline punctuation.
Château (n.): cat’s piss.
Chiropractice (n.): rehearsals before visiting Egypt.
Circumflex (v.): to cut off the end of a piece of wire.
Circumvent (n.): the opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Cockney (n.): damage to the patella by an exceptionally long penis.
Coffee (n): the person upon whom one coughs.
Collywobbles (n.): the uneven gait of a three-legged sheepdog.
Commonplace (n.): Essex.
County Down (n.): the backwards counting leading to the launch of a Chinese space rocket.
Cursory (n.): where small children are taught to swear.
Daunting (n.): the early morning ringing of an alarm clock.

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