The Edmondson Blog

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discover: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200kg
Occurrences: Copious quantities in all urban areas

Physical Properties:

• Surface usually covered in painted film.
• Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.
• Melts if given special treatment.
• Bitter if incorrectly used.
• Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
• Yields if pressure applied in correct places.
  

Chemical Properties:

• Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
• Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
• May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
• Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
• Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
  

Common Uses:

• Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
• Can be a great aid to relaxation.
• Very effective cleaning agent.
  

Tests:

• Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
• Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
  

Hazards:

• Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
• Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
• Should you experience itching, burning or rash, discontinue use immediately and seek medical treatment.