The Edmondson Blog

Meanwhile, Over At Bluewater Shopping Centre...

A family of illegal immigrants from the mountains of Azerbaijan are still hiding in amongst the load of a lorry newly arrived in the UK from the Channel Tunnel. The lorry pulls up to pay the toll at the Dartford Crossing and the family take the opportunity to quietly make their escape. They run for cover and find a little nook where mother and the smaller children can hide up while father and the eldest son set off to explore.

After following little local lanes for an hour or so they come to the edge of the large old quarry with Bluewater Shopping Centre spread out before them. They look down in wonder, totally bedazzled by something they have never seen the likes of before.

They climb down into the old quarry and make their way into the shopping centre. They are amazed by almost everything they see, but especially two shiny, silver walls that move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asks, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen a lift before) replies, "My son, I have never seen such a thing as this in my life, I admit I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father watch with amazement, a fat, grey old lady in a wheelchair moves up to the moving walls and presses a button. The walls open and the lady rolls between them into a small room. The walls close and the boy and his father watch as the small circular numbers above the wall light up sequentially.

They watch until it reaches the last number and then the numbers begin to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls open up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde steps out.

The father said quietly to his son, "Be quick. Go and get your mother."

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