The Edmondson Blog

Ten Things Lists

Ten things we know about America from watching the movies:
  • Nobody ever eats more than one mouthful from a plate of food.
  • Every platoon has at least one person who can play the mouth organ.
  • All young boys can reach their bedroom by climbing a convenient tree.
  • Restaurants offer at least six different kinds of toast for breakfast.
  • Nobody ever locks their car.
  • The bedroom curtains are always left open at night.
  • If there's a storm, the bedroom window is left open as well.
  • Everybody goes to school until the age of 30.
  • When people fall in love they go shopping in the local street market.
  • Paper boys never need to get off their bicycles.
Ten things Google has found to be true:
  • Focus on the user and all else will follow.
  • It's best to do one thing really, really well.
  • Fast is better than slow.
  • Democracy on the web works.
  • You don't need to be at your desk to need an answer.
  • You can make money without doing evil.
  • There's always more information out there.
  • The need for information crosses all borders.
  • You can be serious without a suit.
  • Great just isn't good enough.
Ten things we know about sex from watching too much porn:
  • Women wear high heels to bed.
  • Men are never impotent.
  • If a woman is caught undressed by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
  • Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle aged men.
  • Women always have orgasm when men do
  • A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding ticket.
  • Lesbians will always be delighted for a man to join in.
  • Women never have headaches, or periods.
  • Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
  • Dorky guys never have to beg.
Ten things we think we know about politics:
  • Government spending buys the votes of the electorate.
  • Political donations influence government policy.
  • Political parties influence government policy.
  • Some candidates are just better campaigners than others.
  • Democracy leads to economic growth. (Or, maybe economic growth enables democracy. Or maybe they are spuriously related.)
  • Autocracy leads to economic growth. (Or, maybe economic performance enables dictators to hold onto power.)
  • The media is biased. (Or, maybe they are just trying to tell us what they think we want to hear.)
  • Voters make choices based on their own self-interest. (Or, maybe they rationalise their choices in this way.)
  • Voters choose the candidate that is closer to their own preferences.
  • People are more likely to vote when they think the election will be close.
Ten things to say at a funeral:
  • What's that smell?
  • So who's that sleeping in the box?
  • I wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit.
  • I would have lent him my good rope if I'd known what he was using it for!
  • (To the widow) Now that you're single, how about a date?
  • It must suck to be dead.
  • (Crying) I guess this means I won't get my quid back.
  • When do we eat?
  • Can I have his car?
  • Dead people look stupid.

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