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Workplace Dictionary

TESTICULATING: Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

SINBAD: single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

GOING FOR A McSHIT: Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE: One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

GREYHOUND: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

MILLENNIUM DOMES: The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

MYSTERY TAXI: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

SWAMP-DONKEY: A deeply unattractive person.

TART FUEL: Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

"I'LL CHECK. WHO SHOULD I SAY IS CALLING?": "Of course he's in, I'll check to see if he wants to talk to you."

Hat tip: Charlie. Update: Puppa

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