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Latest Stock Market Terms

CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.
Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids don't get pocket money, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E Ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Broker: What your broker has made you.
Standard & Poor: Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst: The idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner: A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow: The swirling movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Institutional Investor: Previous investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
Profit: An archaic word no longer in use.

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