The Edmondson Blog

Christmas Cracker Jokes

Best jokes

What's brown and sweet and glides around an ice rink?
Bourneville and Dean.

What's a specimen?
An Italian astronaut.

What do you call a short sighted dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us?

What do you call a man with brown paper trousers?

What do you call a man with a pole through his leg?

Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
He's a fun guy to be with.

Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?
He had low elf-esteem.

Who was England's first chiropodist?
William the Corn-curer.

Why should Christian husbands make the early morning tea for their wives?
Because the Bible says He Brews.

What's the longest word in the English language?
Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and the last letters.
Hat tip to Daily Telegraph.
Worst jokes

What is Santa's favourite pizza?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

On which side do chickens have the most feathers?
The outside.

What kind of paper likes music?
(W)rapping paper.

What's white and goes up?
A confused snowflake.

What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?

Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?
It blew away.

What's furry and minty?
A polo bear.

How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle.

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Hat tip to Nuts magazine.

Worst joke of all time (acording to your Editor's family)

My dog's got no nose!

How does he smell?


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