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A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect so is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do we choose between just two people to be Prime Minister and 50 for Miss England?

Behind the rise of every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Brigade usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

About Paraprosdokian

Paraprosdokian was originally a legendary hero. He was not a citizen of any organized nation - he was Greek.

As a school youth he was very skilled with the girls, though his teachers did encourage him to participate in boys' athletics instead, but on the other hand, he had different fingers. The face of this young child could say it all, especially the mouth part of that face. Eventually, he grew tired of following his dreams, so he decided to ask where they were going, and catch up with them later. As a young lad, he fought and killed an elephant using nothing but an oak branch. But this deed remains dubious - an elephant using an oak branch is no match for a warrior using sword and shield.

His battlefield exploits

He never went into a battle without his father's trusty sword. Or with it, for that matter. It was well known that on the battlefield he wouldn't sleep for three days, because that would be far too long. If he ever gave an order on the battlefield, his men didn't know it. But despite the hell of war, he pictured in his mind a land without war, a land without hate. And he pictured his army attacking that land, because they would never expect it.

His reputation for brutality was exceeded only by his brutality. He would tear his enemies to shreds alive, saying that he certainly could not do it dead. If the area of the nations he conquered were stretched end-to-end in a two-mile wide strip, the people from those nations would be very upset.

His love life

He was a skilled archer, though he did occasionally miss his wife.

In his early days, he would bring a new woman to his bed each night. But it got to be too crowded, so he sent them all away. Everywhere he went he sought the woman of his dreams; at one point, a different woman would steal his heart every week. After years of this, he finally had to send her away - she was just too different. He felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through. Eventually he was married, with one child. But that didn't work out, so he married an adult. If you are curious, her name was Agatha. If you're not, it was Diana.

It is well known that ancient Greek warriors would not have sex before going into battle - no matter how much they might fancy each other. One morning as he was going off to battle, bow slung across his back, his wife asked him, "Will you miss me?" He replied, "I might. But I have a lot of arrows, so I'll just keep trying."

He was crushed the day he discovered that his wife was in bed with another man, and he asked them kindly to get off of him.

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