The Edmondson Blog

Many congratulations to Howard Stogdon, a great friend from school, who has been nominated for Best Short Film in the 2006 BAFTAs for his piece Antonio's Breakfast. Click above for the announcement or scroll down for his photo.

Another photo from the West Acre dinner in September 2005. This one features, from left to right: my brother's friend Jon Abrahams, me.

I've just got hold of these couple of photos from the West Acre triennial dinner last September. It's a dinner held every three years for people who were in our boarding house at school. From left to right: my brother Russell, my friend Charlie Kennedy, and Howard Stogdon (more about Howard above).

No idea whether this is real, but it's one of the funniest photos I've seen in a long time!

I received an email earlier with new words that have made their way into the English dictionary. Many were in the "sent round two years ago" category. There were a few good ones:

TESTICULATING: Waving your arms around and talking bollocks

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves

ASSMOSIS: The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die

For years I've tried to show off my drinking prowess in front of my friends...yard glasses...dentist chairs...butt funnels, all to no avail. Then this guy comes along, with the ultimate technique.

I could spend hours looking at the photos on this site. It has a list of links to Google Maps, centered and zoomed in on interesting views, from the Albert Hall to dams in North Korea. There are even photos of supposed UFO sightings and airplanes mid-air!

Another great story in the news today. A parrot managed to learn the name of a woman's lover and gave the game away whenever her mobile rang.

From The Sun:

CHEATED Chris Taylor found out his girlfriend was two-timing him when his pet parrot kept blurting out her lover’s name. Chris’s suspicions were aroused when African grey Ziggy squawked “Hiya Gary” when Suzy Collins’ mobile rang.

An extraordinary article in today's Times. A woman has sued a man who promised to kill her and never fulfilled his promise...and won! The best bit is his intended technique and excuse:

Reeves [the conman] banked the money [a total of £20,000] and told Mrs Ryder [the depressed friend] that she would be killed in a drive-by shooting on June 11, 2003. She wasn’t; Reeves telephoned her to cancel the arrangement, saying that he had had to kill the hitman himself and pay Mrs Ryder’s money to his widow

My brother, John "Boy" walton and myself at the World Darts Championships on Tuesday night. John Boy was the 2001 champion. He remains a legend (and about the only player to mix with the crowds on Tuesday evening) but was knocked out in the first round this year.

Some of my favourites from the last year...

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a ne arby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Great sandwich. I had one once. Had a mouth-watering tang to it.

Barrymore's had a dramatic fall since being Britain's highest paid entertainer in the 1990s. The jokes keep coming think and fast, which is a little unfair since he hasn't been charged with any crime, unlike Mr. Paul Gadd. This one's a beauty...

Michael Barrymore arrived back in the UK recently to take part in Celebrity Big Brother. This has caused quite a stir. I don't really care whether he makes a comeback or not, but I like this...


Michael Barrymore has been found dead with chocolate all around his arsehole...

Police believe that George Michael was careless with a wispa.