The Edmondson Blog

Went to see Superman Returns last night. There were some definite highlights and lowlights. Best of all was Brandon Routh, who not only looks, sounds and has the same mannerisms as Christopher Reeve, but does a good job filling the big man's boots. Also good were the special effects (they should've been, considering the film cost $250m to make). The lowlights were definitely the holes in the story (don't read this unless you've seen the film):

1. Initially, Superman is drained of energy as soon as he lands on the kryptonite island and confronts Lex Luthor, then later he's able to lift the whole kryptonite island into space before losing his energy.

2. He dies in hospital (hence the use of the defibrillator) then in the next scene he's in the recovery room.

3. While Superman is in hospital, noone wonders where Clark Kent has gone.

Despite of these gripes, I'd give the film a solid 6.5

I've just flown down to Florida after being in upstate New York for the last couple of days. I've uploaded some photos on Flickr here. I'll be writing some notes about my trip in the next couple of days, including my pilgrimage to the grave of Uncle Sam, the embodiment of America.

Tori and I have just spent four days upstate to attend Graham and Rebecca's wedding (Graham being a school friend from the New Beacon). It was a superb event, with come classy American touches (think of an electric organ at ceremony playing Celine Dion tunes, a top table for two and interestingly, dancing between courses). Tori and I didn't know anyone at the wedding, but with some top notch bantaaar, we made our presence felt. I'll blog more about our trip another time.

Mecca. Stonehenge. Graceland. People make pilgrimages all over the world. Mine has been to the US Military Academy, West Point. Tori and I went on a guided tour of the college, which blew me away. The grandness of the original fort has been supplemented by facilities that are awe-inspiring. Take a look on my Flickr page to see the photos and a bit of explanation of what we saw.

My friend Charlie has just had a big result at The Sun, where he works. He's just done a deal with Nike for an advert featuring Wayne Rooney. Before he knows it, the editor has turned the ad into a poster and banged it on the front cover - the first time this has ever happened...

Click here to see the front page.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that upset you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

I managed to lower the engine in last night so I thought it was about time I posted a few photos to show progress. Now the engine's in, it's time to move onto the body, which is prepared and ready to go. I've got a feeling, once I've fixed the body to the chassis, things are going to start coming together. Click here for other photos on Flickr and some notes.

Thanks to George, I spent Saturday in the presence of HM The Queen at the Trooping of the Colour, with the Welsh Guards trooping their colour this year. The most fantastic morning, in brilliant sunshine, was made even more fabulous thanks to Her Majesty's 80th birthday celebrations, including an RAF flypast and feu de joie outside Buckingham Palace. I will post some photos soon.

My friend Barry Brookes has just emailed me a photo of his new Caterham. I felt a pang of jealousy as he described weekends of wild abandon through the countryside. This has definitely spurred me on with my Westfield. I'm hoping to drop the engine in this weekend, then get the body on. Fingers crossed, it should then start looking like a car and less like an abandoned school metalwork project.

Some classic quotes, that only the Brits will snigger at:

Michael Burke on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

and my favourite...

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

I have just been up to Shoreditch station with George to take in the atmosphere before it closes for the final time on Friday to make way for the East London Line Extension, one of TfL's major projects. The station is one of a very few on the network which is served by only one platform. You can see other facts about the station here and check out my other photos here. A very interesting, and moving, experience, except for seeing some guy wipe poo on the wall of the ticket hall!!

Click on the link above to see more quite disturbing photos of Borat.

I thought it was about time I shared with you, my loyal followers, a photo of my brother and sister. Here we are relaxing in the back garden of Homefield on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

We finally got the new six burner BBQ up and running this weekend. You did read that right: six burners. This takes al fresco dining to a whole new level. In the photo, my Pa is tending to an Edmondson specialty: banana wrapped in bacon. The ultimate combo.

I lay upon a grassy bank,
My hands were all a quiver,
I slowly removed her suspender belt,
And her leg fell in the river.



It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg.

I think it's prosthetic.

Tori and I spent the bank holiday weekend down in Somerset at the wedding of Alexandra to Duncan. Here I am with the bride, radiating beauty. She's not looking too shabby either.