The Edmondson Blog

You asked for it. You've got it. More to come.

The website has been updated! Check it out here. Apologies for my father's own brand of humour.

Some people never believe me when I say I have around 70 readers a day from around the world. The graph above should help. As you can see, most of my readers are based in London, but my readership stretches from Santa Clara, California to Turramurra, New South Wales. Naturally, traffic dips over the weekend when people aren't in the office and therefore don't have time!

Since the legal team at TfL asked Geofftech to take down his versions of the tube map (what a bunch of party poopers) he's been able to get them back online using servers abroad. His site is definitely worth a read.

I'm going to be out of radio contact for the next few days while I head to Krakow with the parents to take in some culture and history. I might get involved in some good old fashioned Brits-Abroad activity as well.

I better remember to pack the Wellies.

Tony Blair was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a 'tragedy'"

"No," said Blair, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the Prime Minister "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered.

Blair searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand... In a quiet voice he said: "If the aeroplane carrying you and Mrs Blair was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Tony Blair. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either."

Hat tip: Claudia

As I start looking for flights to head off to Florida for some early season sunshine, I've been considering picking myself up some new Speedos. I think I've found the range that would show off my strengths...

Hat tip: Claudia

Hat tip: Bonney

From the BBC Have Your Say section:

Added: Sunday, 25 February, 2007, 10:18 GMT 10:18 UK

I have found the Oscars to be totally irrelevant in recognising and rewarding socially important and responsible filmaking ever since Big Trouble In Little China failed to get a single nomination.

bob bobwell, Dubai

Hat tip: George

A successful inaugural meeting of the Pop Club down at Signor Franco's in T Wells this evening. Nanny was surrounded by all her 12 grandchildren who treated her to a night out of good food, good wine and amusing stories from family-times past. I hope we can organise these occasions on a regular basis.

Click here for the photos.

Went for a blowout meal in Benihana last night - blow out as in it blew a hole in my wallet. Superb food, though it slightly stuck in the throat as I can have exactly the same for a third of the price at Joto Steakhouse.

After starting the process of getting my (limited) financial affairs in order, it was off to Soho for Chinese with Hovis. We went for the full gut buster, with multiple starters, three main courses, rice and noddles. I was slightly embarrassed with the amount of food left at the end of our gourging.

Later on, it was down to Clapham for last orders with some of the homies. Horrocks was in town, back from operations in Basra, safe and well. In the photo, left to right: Charlie, Rachel, Duncan, Claire, Sarah, Alex, Horrocks.

Please excuse the quality of the photograph.

We pay our MPs £62000 a year to talk about crap like this?

Post from The Hitch:

Last week I posted about a chap who used the name Michael AS Hunt to get a letter posted in the Daily Mail, the subject being just how much he would like to sue the families of people who commit suicide by jumping in fron of trains and thereby delay his journey, so appalling even for a Daily Mail reader it has to be a spoof and the name confrimed it. Well bugger me he has pulled it off again only this time he has managed to get the name "Mike Hunt" printed. Mr "HUNT" of Datchett in Herts., the Hitch salutes you!

Someone has left a comment in response:

Swift said...
Well I had a meeting this morning with a chap called A.N.L.Pfister. He introduced himself as 'Alex' but later handed me his business card. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself laughing. He is Swiss German, so is utterly clueless about it.

Just awesome!

New Zealand fishermen have caught what is expected to be a world-record-breaking colossal squid. Fisheries Minister Jim Anderton said the squid, weighing an estimated 450kg (990lb),took two hours to land in Antarctic waters.

Local news said the Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni was about 10m (33ft) long, and was the first adult colossal squid landed intact.

One expert said calamari rings made from it would be like tractor tyres.

That's one seafood dinner I'd like to try!

I've started a new blog setting out what my policies would be if I was ever elected to parliament. I sometimes get very agitated by some of the rules and regulations that get introduced by the present Labour government, but there's no point complaining unless you explain what you'd do differently. There will be a mix of serious and humorous policies, mostly gently leaning to right of centre. Take a look and feel free to comment or suggest others. This will hopefully expand over the next few months.

I've added a couple of new Top 10s. Feel free to comment.

Hat tip: Puppa

After a couple of refreshments with JL Gray Esq, I headed over to Mel's house for some intense geeking and chow. Being Shrove Tuesday we finished with pancakes, which were superb, if a little "well done" for my palate. In the piccie, Heppy shows off his handling skills.

I've now got to decide what I should give up for Lent. Having few vices, I'm struggling to decide. Ideas, readers?

My initial thoughts were not good. After a long winded but painless install, I started to get to grips with what was on offer. Vista looks sexy (remember I'm geek-chic) but ran painfully slow. The hard drive was working overtime and I was worried about burn out. Things got grim when I heard from my Pa he was going to take the drastic step and reinstall XP. I took the decision to install another 512Mb of RAM and like magic I'm running like Kenney's chest after he's had a shave - baby smooth. Things are getting better. I like Vista.

I was sitting in front of the computer earlier today thinking about how great life is... I've joined Facebook and the number of friends is going up by three per day; I'm getting all time high hits on my blog; I've perfected the art of delegation with my team; I've started yoga again and am feeling stretchy; Claire has understood my instructions on bringing me bacon sandwiches in bed every Saturday morning; I'm starting to get my (limited) financial affairs in order; some Blogger functionality has returned on my PC at work; The Pop Club is up and running!

No wonder I'm looking so healthy.

For those of us who spend a lot of time south of the river, how great would it be if the Tube network was rotated 180 degrees? My parents would have a station virtually in their back garden (local station: Pratt's Bottom).

Now you can stick George W. Bush up your butt.

Celebrity Buttplugs have the likeness of famous people. Thus far, they have...

- George W. Tush
- Smell Gibson (Braveheart Edition)
- Parass Hilton

They'll also make a"custom buttplug" for you, if you send them a close-up photo of someone, perhaps yourself, your ex, or whatever turns you on.

Soon to be available is an "expander" for the Dubya model that squeezes air into his head, expanding his ego, and increasing your pleasure.

Hat tip: Bella

A relaxed Sunday evening chicken dinner, setting us up for the week ahead. What Sunday evenings are all about...

Leaving Catalina behind nursing a sore head and cigar-induced nausea, Charlie met me in Soho for lunch and to celebrate Chinese New Year. Our original plan of dim sum was called off due to the throng of people and we escaped the crowds by heading out of Chinatown to Taro. Great meal of gyoza, ramen, teriyaki chicken and sushi, all washed down with sake. We worked off the feast with a walk up Regent Street then down Oxford Street to Marble Arch. What Sunday lunches were made for...

James, Claudia and Russell in Sarasota, Christmas 1982. Check out the Pop club T-shirts and how Claudia is somehow standing up without help, even though she's only six months old.

A Gig Harbor, Washington, woman says she was "freaked out" while giving her dog a bath when its ear floated away.

The woman, Anni Sheriffius, told KIRO-TV that she believes a groomer cut off the dog's ear and tried to glue it back on with super glue.

The dog named Jasimin, a shi tzu, was treated for an infection.

Pierce County sheriff's spokesman Ed Troyer says investigators are looking into possible charges of animal cruelty. But the pet grooming shop has shut down.

Continuing my series of Saturday lunches, I met up with Colin and my third best friend (reserve) - George - in the Scarsdale this afternoon. Ate a very tasty chicken burger washed down with a couple of Guinni. The highlight was Colin telling us about his adventures in speed dating, but probably best if you get the details straight from him (ask him the story about the air stewardess and the intimate situation with her ex-boyfriend, which she narrated to Colin within three minutes of meeting him).

I still remember to this day the photo being taken. Russell refused to look at the camera so I did my big brother duty and turned him round. Check out the dungarees!

Fantastic dinner at Ned and Nics last night. Managed to push on through until 2am. "Good dog" I hear you say. No. I'm struggling this morning.

Was walking through John Lewis on Tuesday morning after my dentist appointment and bumped into the world's largest plasma TV, measuring a whopping 103". Add to that the blu-ray playback and you've got yourself a nifty little setup. Impressive.

Hat tip: George

Featuring Robbie Williams, this rather well timed offering comes from Joel Wilson & Jamie Campbell. It is part of the 'Ingham Infiltrates' series, in which investigative journalist, Perry Ingham, uses his military background to bring small time crooks to justice. A pastiche of Donal McIntyre and Roger Cook style programming, Ingham's interferring is not only unwarranted, it tends to do far more harm than good.

Both Joel and Jamie are friends of mine. It's another amusing piece of work... Look out for a cameo by Adam Rayner.

You better stop gulping down those creatine shakes, Hepburn!

I hope you put something sexy on to impress your other half!

Women have high expectations for nearly every area of their lives, but when it comes to sex, they settle for less.

Thank God for that.

Click on title for article.

Is this the most amusing political blog ever?

I've become quite addicted to Facebook in the last few days. It's a cross between MySpace and Friends Reunited but better presented. I urge you to join up and add me as a friend (as long as I know you). There is a link to the right hand side of this blog. Check out the Pop Club group!

Met up with Randy Gay (aka Andy Day) this evening for a curry. I experienced my first ever organic curry house, Nayaab Tandoori in the Kings Road. It was superb; the best curry I've had in years. No jokes. Nothing like the generic crap you usually get. This place is highly recommended.

If you like your politics dressed to the right, and your blogs dry, then you could do worse than read my friend James' blog here where he takes apart government policy with acerbic wit and thoughtful analysis.

Friday night went up to Stoney Stratford, just outside Milton Keynes, to spend the night with Greany and Ben at their new pad. Great evening, cut short by Ben wimping out to go to bed. He was off first thing to ski for the week with friends, leaving his new wife behind. Good to know he's still got his priorities the right way round.

I've yet to ski this season, and I'm getting twitchy. This is the kind of stuff I want to ride. Turn up the volume and treat yourself to some great lines, like "It's really gnarly up there" and "Oh my God, he's hauling aaaaasssss". Superb.

Hat tip: Puppa

Apparently this guy taught Michael Jackson how to moonwalk. This video contains the very first moonwalk shown on British television. What an historic event.

When I was young, my grandfather who we all called Pop allowed me to join "The Pop Club" along with my brother. This comprised of secret meetings under the stairs, Pop Club boxes full of presents left for us in Sarasota, secret coded messages and a unique handshake (a rub of the index finger knuckle during the shake). All the cousins eventually joined this secretive sect and we're currently in the process of reviving it. I've even set up a website to collect our old thoughts and photos. Click here to see the website. More info to follow.

I've added a new poll for all you little animals. I've based it on Channel 4's 100 Greatest Cartoons, but have extracted the TV-based cartoons only (i.e. excluded films). I've also simplified the list by only including cartoons I like. This is not a democracy!

Some might say a controversial result...

1. Casino 23%
2. Finger 20%
3. Pussy 17%
4. Russia 14%
5=. Spy 6%
5=. Daylights 6%
7=. Twice 3%
7=. Let Die 3%
7=. Raker 3%
7=. Licence 3%
7=. Goldeneye 3%
12=. No 0%
12=. Ball 0%
12=. OHMSS 0%
12=. Diamonds 0%
12=. Gun 0%
12=. Eyes 0%
12=. View 0%
12=. Tomorrow 0%
12=. TWINE 0%
11=. DAD 0%

I can understand the films which attracted no votes, but Pussy in the top 5?? Casino is a good film, but number 1?

If you voted for Pussy, please leave a comment and explain your actions.

Well, I'm coming close to the end of the course, and it's been a fascinating week. I've learnt a hell of a lot and have some great tools to take back to work and put to use. The most interesting was using the "Strength Deployment Inventory" this morning, which helps you identify how to best influence other people, both in normal and stressful situations (I'm a blue [friendly] and I've figured out I can't STAND reds [self-perceived leaders] - I'll explain more when I see you next). The exercises have all been interesting and the tutoring first class. This is a highly recommended course. The flip side has been the other delegates. I'm afraid I don't think I've been studying with future captains of industry. That said, they're probably thinking the same about me!

ps. Ashridge is an absolutely stunning pile. I'm going to try to take some piccies in the morning. The house should look awesome in the snow.

I was reading earlier that a piece of work by Banksy has just sold at auction for GBP108k - serious cash. My own personal favourite is "Early Man goes to Market" which he managed to sneak into the British Museum and which the museum liked so much they added it to their permanent collection!

Another day up at Ashridge; another day mixing with Elizabeth Duke's best customers. Quote of the day: tutor enters room, introduces himself and someone asks "So who's your team?"

Excuse me? He's a tutor in finance, not a football player, manager, or club owner. As people know, one of my pet hates are football fans who talk about teams like they're part of the squad, using phrases like "We're playing United this weekend". Should be shot.

There's one hell of a meal being served this weekend in Bangkok. The Guardian reports:

Preparation of the extravaganza is in the hands of six chefs with three Michelin stars apiece who have also jetted in from their restaurants in France, Italy and Germany, eager to present their signature dishes. No expense has been spared to ensure the 15 gourmands who booked Saturday's one-off dinner will be able to show themselves off as "Epicurean Masters of the World", as the event's title boasts.

That beats anything I've tasted as part of the World Diners Club.

Click on the title for more.

A US astronaut accused of attacking a woman she considered competition for the affection of a shuttle pilot has been charged with attempted murder.

...

The man at the centre of the love triangle was said to be Navy Cmdr William Oefelein, who was a pilot on the Discovery's mission to the space station in December.

...

So, when she heard that her rival was due to fly from Texas to Florida, she decided to drive the 1,000 miles (1,600km) from her home in Houston to Orlando International Airport to intercept and confront her.

Capt Nowak told police she had not wanted to harm Ms Shipman, just wanting to scare her rival into talking about her relationship with Cmdr Oefelein.

To avoid toilet breaks during the long drive to Orlando, Capt Nowak wore an adult nappy.

Now that is planning! She must've saved, err, an hour in total by cutting out the piss stops.

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side.

"When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said. "I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large.

"I told her, 'of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will.' Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem."

Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on.

Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.

"Exactly," replied Jack. "I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will.
I don't want you to forget that."

Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack.

"Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.

"I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Jack.

"Exactly," replied Jill. "And if you don't change your fucking attitude, you never will."

Hat tip: Heppy

Mark Twain’s summation of Rhodes: “I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time comes I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.”

In these times of global insecurity, remember the immortal words of Cecil Rhodes: "Remember only this, that you are British, and in the lottery of life you have won first prize."

My brother and I chugging on a refreshment. Barbados, 1982.

I'm currently north of London at Ashridge doing an week long "Introduction to Management" course. With the programme costing 3500GBP, I was expecting some impressive talent joining me. Unfortunately, that's not exactly the case. There is a worryingly large selection of chunky jewellery, white trainers and Ben Sherman shirts on show, and with the talk mostly around "the match" my banter is struggling. The course itself is good - the tutor knows her onions - and I'm hopefully a lot of what I'm learning I'll be able to translate into action back at work. I'll update you on progress during the week.

There's two things I love in life: Jerry Springer and small people. This video combines both into an orgy of excitement.

I've managed to install Windows Vista on my laptop, but I'm holding off judgement for a couple of days. The new version of Windows looks pretty sexy, though my computer is definitely working slower and the hard drive seems to be in constant read/write mode. I'm already finding some of my programs (eg. WinDVD) don't work, so I hope patches are released soon.

I won't be using the voice recognition features.

Hat tip: Claudia

Apologies for the lack of service over the last few days. I have been out of radio contact, but am now back online. I'm currently on a week long management course somewhere outside Hemel Hempstead. When I get some time this evening, I'll do some serious posting. Stay tuned...

Sunday was Founders Day at Harrow. I went up with some other Old West Acrians and got beaten up during the Harrow Football match against the current sixth form boys. Somehow (and for the first time since I've been going back) we won! 4-3. Howard, Toby, Rick, Charlie and me (joined by the fragrant Catalina and Justine, and later on Russell and Jon) went on a tour of the Hill and West Acre itself. See our photos here.

Spent Saturday afternoon with Ian "T-Bone" Smith and Andy "Randy Gay" Day in Metro on Clapham Common. Great to see them both - with Smith being beasted 24/7 it was the first time I'd spent a reasonable amount of time with him since we moved out of Belgravia back in August.

On Thursday night, went for a few beers with the lads and ladettes, including the beautiful Emily Wood who has recently got engaged to Macca. Congrats to both.

It's about time I posted something geeky. I've got two things to say:

1. I was emailed earlier alerting me to this awesome new website from which you can call anywhere in the world (including mobiles and landlines) for free! No need to sign up - you just put the number in and dial. You get five free minutes a day, and for someone with a limited social circle like me, that's more than enough. I've used it and it works, just like Skype!

2. My Pa has very kindly picked me up a copy of Windows Vista Ultimate so I'm off to my parents tomorrow night for an evening of hard core geekery. Please don't call, email or Skype me - I'm busy. I think I'll be the first kid on the block to install Vista. Anyone beat me?