English like wot it's spoke in Essex
Published by Rick on Tuesday, August 19, 2008.
Assa Communs: the building in which the lower chamber of Britain’s Parliament meets.
Arst: past tense of ask. “Jordan, I must’ve arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room.”
Banssa: a person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club. “Dave’s got izself a job as a banssa.”
Choona: an edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with mayonnaise.
Dan twerf: sensible, practical.
Danstez: on the ground floor, where the biggest telly is.
Evvy: a personal assistant to a local entrepreneur. “My name’s Kev and this is my evvy, Mad Frank. We’ve come for our dosh.”
Fingy: person or object whose name doesn’t immediately come to mind. “I ’ad it off wiv fingy last night.”
I-Beefa: a Spanish holiday island.
Ips: an area of a woman’s body to which chocolate travels. “That Mars Bar wiw go straight to me ips.”
Jafta: is it really necessary? “Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?”
Ma Blarch: a geographical feature and landmark near Hyde Park, London.
Oppit: please oblige me by continuing your present activity elsewhere. “Oi you, oppit.”
Pansan annsis: imperial weight system.
Reeband: period of recovery after rejection by a lover. “I couldn’t ’elp it. I was on the reeband from Craig.”
Saff: a direction of the compass, opposite norf.
Toobagga: extraordinarily unattractive. “Sharon’s mate was a right toobagga.” “Wozzat?” “She was sucha minger that not only did I ’ave to put a bag over ’er ’ed before givin ’er one, I put a bag over me own ’ed in case erz fell off.”
Zaggerate: to suggest something is better or bigger than is true. “Jordan, I must’ve arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room.” “Don't zaggerate, mum.”
Arst: past tense of ask. “Jordan, I must’ve arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room.”
Banssa: a person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club. “Dave’s got izself a job as a banssa.”
Choona: an edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with mayonnaise.
Dan twerf: sensible, practical.
Danstez: on the ground floor, where the biggest telly is.
Evvy: a personal assistant to a local entrepreneur. “My name’s Kev and this is my evvy, Mad Frank. We’ve come for our dosh.”
Fingy: person or object whose name doesn’t immediately come to mind. “I ’ad it off wiv fingy last night.”
I-Beefa: a Spanish holiday island.
Ips: an area of a woman’s body to which chocolate travels. “That Mars Bar wiw go straight to me ips.”
Jafta: is it really necessary? “Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?”
Ma Blarch: a geographical feature and landmark near Hyde Park, London.
Oppit: please oblige me by continuing your present activity elsewhere. “Oi you, oppit.”
Pansan annsis: imperial weight system.
Reeband: period of recovery after rejection by a lover. “I couldn’t ’elp it. I was on the reeband from Craig.”
Saff: a direction of the compass, opposite norf.
Toobagga: extraordinarily unattractive. “Sharon’s mate was a right toobagga.” “Wozzat?” “She was sucha minger that not only did I ’ave to put a bag over ’er ’ed before givin ’er one, I put a bag over me own ’ed in case erz fell off.”
Zaggerate: to suggest something is better or bigger than is true. “Jordan, I must’ve arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room.” “Don't zaggerate, mum.”
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