Fairy Tale Of Our Time
Published by Rick on Monday, December 22, 2008.
Once upon a time, there was a blameless girl called Consumerella, who didn't have enough money to buy all the lovely things she wanted. She went to her Fairy Godmother, who called a man called Rumpelmandelson who lived in a White Hall and claimed to be able to spin straw into gold.
Rumpelmandelson sent the Fairy Godmother the recipe for this magic spell. It was written in tiny, tiny writing, so she did not read it but hoped the Socerers' Services Authority had checked it.
The Fairy Godmother carried away armfuls of glistening straw-derivative at a bargain price. Embolden by the deal, she lent Consumerella - who had a big party to go to - 125% of the money she needed. Consumerella bought a bling-bedizened gown, a palace and a Mercedes - and spent the rest on champagne. The first payment was due at midnight.
At midnight, Consumerella missed the first payment on her loan (the result of overindulgence, although some blamed the pronouncements of the Toastmaster, a man called Bordon Grown). Consumerella's credit rating turned into a pumpkin and Rumpelmandelson's spell was broken. He and the Fairy Godmother discovered that their vaults were not full of gold, but ordinary straw.
All seemed lost until Santa Claus and his helpers, men with implausible fairy-tale names such as Darling, Straw and Balls and began handing out presents. It was only in January when Consumerella's credit card statement arrived, she discovered that Santa Claus had paid for the gifts by taking out a loan in her name. They all lived miserably ever after.
The End.
Rumpelmandelson sent the Fairy Godmother the recipe for this magic spell. It was written in tiny, tiny writing, so she did not read it but hoped the Socerers' Services Authority had checked it.
The Fairy Godmother carried away armfuls of glistening straw-derivative at a bargain price. Embolden by the deal, she lent Consumerella - who had a big party to go to - 125% of the money she needed. Consumerella bought a bling-bedizened gown, a palace and a Mercedes - and spent the rest on champagne. The first payment was due at midnight.
At midnight, Consumerella missed the first payment on her loan (the result of overindulgence, although some blamed the pronouncements of the Toastmaster, a man called Bordon Grown). Consumerella's credit rating turned into a pumpkin and Rumpelmandelson's spell was broken. He and the Fairy Godmother discovered that their vaults were not full of gold, but ordinary straw.
All seemed lost until Santa Claus and his helpers, men with implausible fairy-tale names such as Darling, Straw and Balls and began handing out presents. It was only in January when Consumerella's credit card statement arrived, she discovered that Santa Claus had paid for the gifts by taking out a loan in her name. They all lived miserably ever after.
The End.
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