The Edmondson Blog

Just a week or two ago my dear old Uncle Bill,
He went and kicked the bucket and he left me in his will,
So I went around the road to see my Auntie Jane,
She said your Uncle Bill has left you a watch and chain,
So I put it on right across my derby kell*,
The sun was shining on it and it made me look a swell*,
I went out, strolling round about,
A crowd of kiddies followed me and they began to shout,

Any old iron, any old iron,
Any, any, any old iron?
You look neat, talk about a treat!
You look dapper from your napper to your feet.
Dressed in style, brand new tile*,
And your father’s old green tie on.
I wouldn’t give you tuppence for your old watch chain,
Old iron, old iron.

I won’t forget the day I went to London on the spree,
I saw the mayor of London there, that’s who I went to see,
He came along in a carriage and a pair,
I shouted come on boys, all throw your hats up in the air,
Just then the mayor, he began to smile,
Pointed to my face and said, “Lor Lummy, what a dial*,”
Started Lord a mayoring, and then to my dismay,
He pointed to my watch and chain
and shouted to me “Hey,”

Any old iron …

I shan’t forget the day I married Miss Elisa Brown.
The way the people laughed at me
it made me feel a clown,
I arrived in a carriage called a hack,
When I suddenly discovered I’d my
trousers front to back,
So I walked down the aisle, dressed in style,
The vicar took a look at me and then began to smile,
The organ started playing, the bells began to ring,
The people started laughing and the choir began to sing:

Any old iron …

*Definitions:
derby kell: a portly chest/stomach
dial: Cockney slang for face
swell: a well off gentleman
tile: hat