The Edmondson Blog

“For over a year, we have been trying to arrest Thomas Eri for illegal sexual activities,” Inspector Adam Busil of the Papua New Guinea police told reporters in Morobe village, north of Port Moresby, “And this time we thought we had him cornered. We'd heard reports that he had founded a sex cult here in Morobe, and that he was promising villagers a bumper banana crop if they had sex in public. He told them their banana crop would increase tenfold every time they had sex in front of him, and they believed him. So many of the villagers began having sex in public, because bananas are a very important crop in Morobe province.

“Early on Saturday morning, a dozen armed policemen came to the village, surrounded his hut, and ordered him to come out. At first, there was no reply, then he came out naked but refused to surrender. He used his two wives as human shields to avoid being shot at, ran to the edge of the village, and fled into the wilderness, followed by seven of his followers.

“I am sure the villagers know where he is hiding, but they won’t tell us. Probably because this year's banana crop is the biggest on record.”