The Edmondson Blog

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Is there anything worn under my kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.