The Edmondson Blog

Useful phases if you are reintarnated (reborn as a hillbilly):

• You plant a tater, you get a tater.
• Never try to teach a pig it dance. You'll waste your time and just annoy the pig.
• Never get into a wrestlin' match with a pig. You're both goin' to get muddy, and the chances are the pig likes it.
• Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get by without it.
• Go for ugly early and you'll never go home alone.
• If I was any better, I'd be twins.
• About as sexy as socks on a billy goat.
• I'm busier than a borrowed mule.
• He looks like three pounds of ugly in a two pound sack.
• He's so stupid he thinks Johnny Cash is a pay-toilet.
• He's so stupid he couldn't pour piss out of a boot even if the instructions was written on the heal.
• I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm better once than I ever was.
• I feel like I was shot at and missed, and shit at and hit.
• That's like wiping before you poop - it don't make sense.
• I got a bad case of the zacklies: my mouth tastes zackly like my but smells.
• That piano player's fingers are slipperier than sausages on a griddle.