The Edmondson Blog

A mother passing her son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything picked up off the floor. Then she saw an envelope propped up on the pillow addressed to ‘Mum.’

Feeling a terrible premonition, she opened it and read with trembling hands:

Dear Mum,

It is with deep regret and sorrow that I’m writing to you. I have had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Dad. I have been feeling real passion with Stacy and she is so nice, but I know you would not approve of her because of all her skin piercings, tattoos, her tight motor bike clothes, and also because she is so much older than I am.

But it’s not just the passion, Mum. She’s also pregnant. But Stacy is certain we will be very happy. She owns a caravan on a pitch by a layby on the Tonbridge Bypass and has a whole pile of firewood to see us through the winter. We share a dream of having many more children. She is wonderful and has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy that we need. In the meantime we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better because she certainly deserves it. Please don’t worry. Mum. I’m fifteen and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I’m sure we’ll be back to visit you and Dad so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Your son Nicholas.

P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are far worse things in life than the school report that’s on Dad's desk.

Please call when it is safe for me to come home.