Universal Laws, Reprise
Published by Rick on Sunday, January 16, 2011.- Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
- Edmondson's Law of Public Events: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
- The Coffee Law: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
- Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a changing room, they will have adjacent lockers.
- Law of Physical Surfaces: The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
- Law of Logical Argument (also known as Edmondson's Law of Complete Bollocks): Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
- Gordon Brown's Law of Physical Appearance: If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
- Julia's Law of Public Speaking: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Rick's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
- Doctors' Law: If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
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