The Edmondson Blog

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning! Can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Bloody hell, talk about Dyson with death!

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a labrador."
"Strewth" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

I went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my bum! - Do you think I should change dentists?

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A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer.

The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from, you sound English?"

"I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously.

"What do you do, just across the Severn?"

"I'm a taxidermist."

"What on earth is one of those?"

"I mount animals."

"It 's alright boys," shouts the barman, He's one of us."