The Edmondson Blog

Did you fart? Cuz you blew me away.

Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.

My love fer you is like diarrhoea - I can't hold it in.

Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to sign you out.

Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in 'em.

If you was a tree and I was a squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

You might not be the best lookin' girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room.

Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.