The Edmondson Blog

Today is, of course, Robbie Burns birthday (he was born in 1759). At Burns Dinners all over the country (and the world) tonight, toasts will be offered to the Lassies. Her is a poetical Toast to the Lassies (based upon Burns' To a mouse):

Wee gorgeous, flow’rin, shim’rous beastie
O, whit joy’s found in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty
Wi bickering prattie!
I wad love tae tak ye doon the shops
For needless chattels!

On a Saturday morn, the shops are attacked
Wi’ a master plan. They huv’ the knack,
Searchin’ for hours for the dress they lack
To tick off the list.
Then it’s put in the wardrobe, right I nback
And never miss’t

My the lassies can be a curious pest
At’ways chubterin’ on when you need your rest.
If you disagree, they ay’ways ken best
Then silence is lang.
Then begins the gane where we huv’ tae guess
What we did wrang.

When they’re dressing up wi’ perfect hair
After hours deciding what tae wear
Tae avoid a skelp and being sair
We a’ ken the line
Tae the immortal question, so unfair,
“Your hurdies look fine!”

When they need to answer nature’s ca’
They cannae just pee agin the wa’
They huv’ tae go alang twa by twa
Like there’s a tether.
Then stand in line for hours, and a’
Jist fur a blether.

When we’re stappit fu’wi’ cold or flu,
Or a fever that we cannae subdue,
We pray some tenderness may ensue
But where’s the fuss?
When lassies get sick one thing is true
They’re no as ill as us!

But a man needs a wife when he comes hame
Fair scunnered sittin’ there on his ain,
A batchelor’s life is such a shame,
The poor wee thing.
He needs a lassie tae tak’ his name
Mak his heart sing.

I’ve never seen a prettier sight
Than the lassies gathered here tonight
Rabbie himself would agree I’m right
This I know.
In better words he’d show his delight
And tell you so.

So here’s tae our lassies, O so fair
Whether blond, or black or brown of hair
There known as friends ‘n’ lovers ‘n’ mair
Than fantastic dancers.
It’s a’ we can dae no tae stop and stare
Like glaikit chancers!

Yes, here’s tae our lassies, May they aye be near
Gentlemen, please lift you cup of beer
And with one voice and hearty cheer
Frain your glasses,
For where would we be if they were nae here?

To the lassies!

And here is a suitable poetical reply on behalf of the Lassies:

Let’s toast our laddies here, all brave and true
All our sweethearts, both old and new.
Let’s toast the young ones and those a little older
Toast the shy ones, and those much bolder.

Let’s toast the boozers, the shmoozers, the pests
And include the wasters in their dirty string vests
Let’s toast our laddies dear, in our own special way
And forgive them their faults each and every day.

So lets raise a glass, now to all the laddies in sight,
And wish them our love true on this special Burns Night.